On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.


Shallow men believe in luck; strong men believe in cause and effect.


Zeal is fit for wise men but it is mostly found in fools.


It is better to be the widow of a hero than the wife of a coward.


Keep yourself to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.


Democracy is the form of government that gives every man the right to be his own opressor.

There was this American tourist in Mexico, and he was getting tired of walking around, so he went up to a donkey rental place and said, ''Can I rent a donkey?'

The guy said, "We don't call them donkeys here, we call them asses. This is the only ass I have left, and you have to scratch him when you want to make him stop."

The guy rides his ass for a while, sees a hotdog stand, and asks for a hotdog. The vendor replies, "We don't call them hotdogs here we call the wieners."

Meanwhile his donkey is wandering away, so he goes up to another tourist and says "Will you hold my wiener whille I scratch my ass?"


A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island. 

One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie. 

The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one." 

The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home." 

POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family. 

Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too." 

POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family. 

The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. 

The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?" 

The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."

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